Being a step-mother is hard enough without having ig’nant in-laws and family members to deal with. In many cases the only things some folk know about step-parenting was learned from a fairytale – can you say “Cinderella”? These folk have a pre-conceived notion that all step-mothers are evil. You say, I’m not marrying his family, I’m marrying him – I beg to differ. Unless your spouse is willing to cut his family out of his life, you most certainly are marrying his family.
If you would like to have a positive relationship with these folk described above, you need to be willing to go the extra mile. Talk with them about your step-children and ask for their advice (I didn’t say you had to take it), but try and let them know how much you adore your step-children (if in fact you do – some of them behave as if they are aliens) Hopefully demonstrating to your in-laws that you are truly concerned with your step-children will put them at ease and they will in turn give you the benefit of the doubt and stop treating you like Cruella DeVille.
Unfortunately I did not learn this until several years into my journey….I thought it would be easier to ignore the out-laws…but in hind sight, if I’d done this earlier it would have been in my best interest. See you can learn something from all of my screw-ups…lol.
Also, don’t be surprised if some of your family and friends question you correcting your step-children. Folk seem to think you are suppose to nurture, provide and care for your step-children, but when you correct them – you are reminded that you are the step-parent….ARGGHHH.
MrsGrapevine said,
November 4, 2007 at 11:12 pm
This is when the man should stand-up, and explain to his family the new rules, and the new order of things. It’s hard enough integrating into a family without the drama. It certainly helps when the man has your back and you can battle to set your foundation.
The in-laws are just being protective, but sometimes they forget the boundaries, and they also forget that they are not the ones in the relationship.
Don’t worry about family and friends, your step-children are now your children and you have to raise them according to the values you and your husband share.
Soul Sistah said,
November 4, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Welcome Ms. Grapevine!
They SHOULD step up but they don’t always. It’s good when you have a man/woman that has your back in these situations. I know several folk that have had to fight the battle alone while their spouse just sat on the sidelines straddling the fence.
It’s funny that more than half of the families in the US are made up of blended families (I can’t remember the source), yet you rarely hear folk discuss it.