Well he/she may call you alot of things…I was referring to what they call you in your face..lol. My step daughter began calling me Mom immediately after we got married of her own free will. I think she was longing for a female role model and I was it because her bio-Mom had pretty much abandoned her when she was very young (4) – when bio-Mom left her husband she took her pet bird and left her child – can you say “selfish”. Anyway I was fine with it but once, the bio Mom heard her refer to me as Mom, she dayum near jerked the childs arm off and yell’d at her “She is not your mother”? Well I beg to differ. You see I was the one combing her hair, purchasing her clothes with MY OWN money, helping to ensure she did her homework, explaining menstral cycles, boys, etc. Where was her bio-mother – oh she was off living the high life, traveling the world, making CD’s, etc. while I raised her daughter who has BTW grown into a beautiful young woman.
These folk kill me saying who is a mother and who is not. Just because you give birth to a child does not make you a mother in the true sense of the word. Even the children know that.
Ann Brock said,
November 5, 2007 at 6:24 pm
My step daughter called me by my name. But I had a step father, I could not call him daddy for nothing in the world. My Mom married him when i was 9 months old. He was the only father figure that I knew, but I could sense the difference in how he treated me and his own children. One thing we did not connect, but he respect me and I did the same .
Soul Sistah said,
November 5, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Welcome Ann,
I too had a step father. I called him Dad, but I never really cared for him and I always sensed that he didn’t really like me. He was kind and supportive and that was really all I could ask for. At least he was there helping my Mother raise me. My father was nowhere to be found.
D.C. said,
November 6, 2007 at 11:35 am
what a fantastic post. I already had custody of my 15yr old son when we blended the family.
thank you for sharing this.
have a wonderful day!
Soul Sistah said,
November 6, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Welcome DC,
I find that most time we really don’t discuss step-family life and the challenges of bringing families together. Based on my memory blended families now out rank nuclear families and I know several folk that are struggling trying to keep it together. There are so many dynamics in play when you have children, ex’s, in-laws etc., all with different expectations and attitudes.
I hope to see you around here. I’m sure you could give me some insight as well.
Cassandra said,
November 6, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Excellent post.
My step son calls me by my name. I have tried to not show favoritism between the kids, but it is hard.
Soul Sistah said,
November 6, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Hi Cassandra,
It is hard not to show favoritism as we are human beings and we naturally are partial to our own children.
I had to make a conscious effort to be non-partial. Sometimes I’d find myself doing more for and spending more time with my step-daughter than I did my own kids…..it’s a trip.
Scootermonk said,
November 7, 2007 at 7:56 am
I just add the Ms. on the front and it seemed to work out fine for everyone.
Soul Sistah said,
November 7, 2007 at 8:17 am
Welcome Scootermonk,
Yeah I’ve heard children call their step parents Ms. XXX, for some reason it always struck me as very cold and impersonal coming from a step-child to a parent.
When my step daughters mom acted a fool we tried to come up with another name that step-daughter and I were comfortable with, she decided on calling me Mom-A, but it didn’t stick….she went right back to calling me Mom……
Marcus Langford said,
November 7, 2007 at 3:34 pm
i believe that soon i will be faced with this issue. my current girlfriend has a 20-month old daughter whom i have taken to very much so; she is like my little girl. with her real father not being a stable figure in her life, i believe that she will see me as her father because i take care of her and provide her with the things that a man provides his daughter. though i would never force her to call me her dad/father, i can not help but think that this will be the case if i am all that she knows in the way of a father-figure.
this is an epidemic that is seriously sweeping the black community; especially the inner-city. fortunately i was raised by my father and my mother whom are still together after nearly 33 years of marriage. however, this is not the case for many a black men and this creates the vicious cycle that we are trying to end our community. hopefully as times goes on, more young black men will start taking care of the children that they help to produce. family is important, but how can a family be a family without the father being in the equation; his role is as important as the mothers. i would like to think that the young men coming up today will take the responsibilities in which they may be faced with.
http://www.MarcusLangford.com
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Stacys Mom Music Video said,
December 9, 2007 at 7:54 am
Hi the message is stunning.
I like your diary..
Thank you
Soul Sistah said,
December 11, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Thanks Stacy and Welcome!
oba said,
December 26, 2007 at 12:36 pm
My stepdaughter is about to turn 9. Her mom and I recently got married. She has no memory of her biological father (he passed away when she was 2 years old). She’s been calling me “dad” since she first found out her mom and I were getting married.
Nikki said,
January 1, 2008 at 4:15 pm
My step-daughter calls me by my name. To me that was fine. I was a step-daughter and called my step-dad by his name as well. One time our house phone rang and my step-daughter answered the phone and told me it was for me. The person who called heard my step-daughter call me by my name and said “what did she call you? did she just call you by your name?” I told them yes, and that was perfectly fine. I really don’t see the problem with that at all.