I know I’m not alone when I say I’m simply amazed at how sorry some men can be when it comes to being responsible for their children. My sperm donor (ex-husband) lives in the same town with his child and doesn’t bother to call or contact his son. Mind you this child has had some serious issues in his life and is in desperate need of a loving male image and his father knows this – yet does nothing to address his sons needs.
Where are the real fathers – the ones who teach their children morals and values, who demand their sons work along side them to learn a skill, trade or simply how to fix small things around the house. Where are the men that taught their sons to not only respect but protect all of the females within the household and family? Where are the men that did not tolerate their sons involvement with drugs, guns and violence, but taught, peace, humility and hard work?
So many of our young males have been abandoned by their fathers that we have a generation of boys that don’t know what it is to be a real man. After all a woman cannot teach a boy to be a man – not that she can’t be a good mother, but boys need strong males in their lives to guide them into manhood.
Luckily my son is not involved in drugs, gangs or violence and he has a good work ethic, but the person that taught my son these things was not his biological father – it was his step-father who is in essence – his REAL father.
Unfortunately my child has yet to realize how blessed he is to have a step-father that spent time with him and guided him along the way. Did he make mistakes and go off track sometimes – yes, did I – yes. But the question is did he do right by my son 85% of time – yes, which is what counts in the end. We all have faults and no parent is perfect – even biological parents.
Sometime our children are desperately seeking what they already have – a parent that loves them.
Cennetta said,
November 7, 2007 at 9:49 am
I like that their are some good fathers out there, who can understand the difference between a relationship with their child and the relationship with the ex-wife/woman. …,no woman no relationship with the child. I’m plague by the same situation; and it is painful to watch the child suffer. My daughter has really tried to maintained a relationship with her father, but he provides no support of the relationship or anything else. It’s hard. She does realize that we have a good relationship and that I support mentally, spiritually, and naturally. That’s a good thing.
Soul Sistah said,
November 7, 2007 at 10:15 am
Welcome Cennetta!
It’s so hard to watch the kids keep reaching out to the very ones expected to love and support them. It hurts to see your children hurt. I’ve tried to encourage my son to see what he has rather than what he doesn’t have, but there is still a longing for that love and attention from the bio-father.
Marcus Langford said,
November 7, 2007 at 3:29 pm
this is an epidemic that is seriously sweeping the black community; especially the inner-city. fortunately i was raised by my father and my mother whom are still together after nearly 33 years of marriage. however, this is not the case for many a black men and this creates the vicious cycle that we are trying to end our community. hopefully as times goes on, more young black men will start taking care of the children that they help to produce. family is important, but how can a family be a family without the father being in the equation; his role is as important as the mothers. i would like to think that the young men coming up today will take the responsibilities in which they may be faced with.
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Michelle McCreary said,
November 18, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I am a mother of three and my ex-husband abandoned my son when we divorced 11 years ago. I have tried and tried to involve him in my son’s life, but he only lies and makes up excuses. After our divorce he fathered two other children with two different woment. One of the women had another child from a previous relationship and he does more for that child than his own. I just don’t understand these so called men. My son is suffering because of his lack of involvment. I can only keep it real with him and explain to him that his lack of involvement has nothing to do with him. My son is eleven years old and I don’t think he quite understands. It has effected his behavior in school and his grades. His father could give a damn about any of that. I just don’t have any respect for a man who fathers children and get up every day and not have a care about them. I find it very disturbing for a man to do this to his own child. I don’t think that they even care. I am going to teach my son in the best way possible that this type of behavior is not accepted. Hopefully when he becomes a father, this cycle does not continue.
Soul Sistah said,
November 19, 2007 at 11:06 am
Unfortunately abandonment by a parent inflicts a deep wound and sometimes that wound lies dormant for years My father did the same thing to me. I plan on writing a post about it soon.
Hopefully your son will not base his self worth upon his father’s lack of involvement. I think it is sick for a person to reject a part of himself….it’s baffling..but many folk cannot separate the child from the mother, thus they divorce both. SMH