After I married my current husband all of us had his last name we’ll call Williams with the exception of my son from a previous marriage. Not realizing how “left-out” my son felt, we went along for years using “Williams” when identifying ourselves as a family at church, restaurants, etc.. Eventually my son expressed to me how this made him feel as if he was not a PART-OF our family.
Well the remedy to this small problem for my son was easy, I started signing everything (that was appropriate) with a hyphenated name, “Williams-MySonsLastName” – problem solved.
It’s funny how very small things can make another person feel.
Marcus Langford said,
November 7, 2007 at 1:39 pm
you did not say how old your son is, but i believe it is “mature” of him to recognize that he is not sharing the same name as the rest of the family and he brought it to your attention. it just shows that he concerns himself as to where he fits into the arrangement. the young man has a lot of character and is looking for that identity and i am sure he is happy that you have given him something to work with.
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Soul Sistah said,
November 7, 2007 at 1:44 pm
At the time he brought it to my attention he was in his mid teens….I wish I’d known earlier. He’s 19 now.
Intrepid said,
November 26, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Interesting story…. And an interesting solution. Sometimes children remind us of the little things but important things that we’ve overlooked or taken for granted. I’ve always wondered how children feel in that environment. I’m also curious about the affect of a hyphenated last name. When only the mother takes that name. While certainly understanding a mother’s desire to recognize and embrace her background and independence, I wonder if it really promotes or detracts from family unity. God knows we need every advantage we can get in the modern day “Black family.” I’d be willing to change my name or hyphenate it if necessary. I’ve just always felt that everyone in my family should have the same last name whatever it is. Thanks for you post. I was attracted to it by the title. See my post:http://curageousideas.blogspot.com/2007/11/whats-in-name.html
Not exactly the same subject but you might find it interesting reading.
Take Care
Mother Gift said,
December 15, 2007 at 2:33 am
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ciao