Life as a step-child is not easy. I was someones step-child and quite honestly, I didn’t care for my step-father although he did provide for me and was civil towards me. I cannot recall one single time when he was unkind. I just didn’t like him because he was a “Step-father”….it was that simple.
While raising my step-daughter I remember times when I would try desperately to take our relationship beyond the superficial and become close to her. Our relationship would progress along nicely then all of a sudden, she would pull back. It was almost like she caught herself or was somehow reminded that I was her step-mother…you know the evil one and she was not supposed to like me. I’d express to her that she did not have to choose between myself and her mother that she had the capacity to love both of us, but I suspect she wasn’t getting the same message from the other side.
I soon grew tired of the roller coaster and detached myself from her emotionally until the next time. What does detachment look like, it simply means I became a spectator in her life and her father was forced to do it all during those seasons. Was I right – probably not, but a person (even grown folk) can only take so much rejection while trying to love and care for another human being.
I am happy to report that my (now grown) step-daughter has since put down her shield some. We’re close in a odd kind of way and while I’m not completely happy with our relationship, I’m satisfied with where we are. We have a sort of aunt/niece relationship and I think it strikes just the right balance for us.
Marcus Langford said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Thanks for sharing this experience. As I have expressed before, I imagine that I may be dealing with this one day, but I may not have to since my girlfriend’s little girl is only two years old and really has no concept of who her real father is. I plan to take care of her and raise her as if she were my own, and with this in mind, she will most likely come to see me as her father.
It is not a situation that I will force, but I foresee it being a situation that will come naturally because she will know me as the only stable man in her life.
uraddiction said,
November 9, 2007 at 6:17 pm
How old was she when you came into the picture?
Soul Sistah said,
November 9, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Welcome uraddiction!
I’ve been in her life since she was 5.
ADDMWS said,
November 10, 2007 at 5:55 pm
I had a step-dad and could not stand him. Like you he had never done anything wrong. I was more jealous of the amount of time he took up of my mothers.
Fast forward…my husband is the step-dad to my then 12, 10 and 5 year old…its been 10 years now and has definitely been tested. My 23 yeard old recently told me that he had to see for himself that his Bio-dad was not who he needed him to be (his words *were that his daddy taught him how to treat women like bitches and my hubby taught me to treat bitches like women”) so now he appreciates my hubby.
Soul Sistah said,
November 12, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Welcome ADDMWS,
Glad to hear your son appreciates your hubby. Mine son knows who his GO TO dad is. It’s my husband he calls when he has problems or needs assistance. Hell my husband even went over and cleaned the boys apartment the other day (I refused lol).
ADDMWS said,
November 12, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Yes, when the kids get older they remember and are appreciative.
Thank you for your welcome, glad to be here.