It seems more and more women are hitting the road and leaving their children to be raised by men. I know at least two women that have done this, most notably my step-daughter’s mother – we’ll call her “Nancy”. See Nancy was all about self, she decided she wanted to run off with another man and apparently her daughter didn’t fit into the picture so she simply left her – but as I mentioned before, she took her pet bird….LOL..crazy huh?
Over the years Nancy was in and out of her daughters life and frequently doing what she could to create chaos in my household and hatred in her daughters heart. It seems she had no desire to raise her own child, yet she made it difficult for me to raise her by constantly filling her young head with negativity about our family. Nancy even had negative things to say about my son to her daughter….yes she was/is a piece of work. In the end Nancy only accomplished one thing – she robbed her young daughter of having a positive relationships with a younger brother who adored her and a step-mother who longed for a daughter.
This so called mother robbed her daughter of something she can never recover, a happy childhood. My step-daughter seemed to be a miserable soul – always sad, unresponsive to affection, feeling guilty if she had “fun” or “liked” me or my son, etc. And for what? To please a bio-mom that clearly did not have her best interest at heart, had no desire to raise her and didn’t think enough of her to attend her high-school graduation.
Throughout her daughters childhood and teenage years Nancy remained the same selfish, manipulative person she was when she initially left her child and took her pet bird……I guess she and the bird had something in common – the size of their brain.
If you as a woman choose to abandon your children – fine, but don’t stand back and throw stones when someone else attempts to raise them – it’s not fair to your child. Go and deal with your guilt in some other way and allow your children the opportunity & freedom to give and receive love from the folks that choose to step in and do the job that you refused.
Has2BFunE said,
November 14, 2007 at 9:35 am
Sometimes this type of behavior stems from how the parent was raised. Or it might be from depression or she just needs attention. That’s why I, personally, think that some people shouldnt be allowed to have children.
Soul Sistah said,
November 14, 2007 at 1:06 pm
Welcome Has2bfune:
I agree with “some people shouldn’t be allowed to have children”. The children are the main ones that suffer in these types of situations.
Shelia said,
November 15, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Great post! I’ve put it on StumbleUpon.
invisiblewoman said,
November 16, 2007 at 9:33 pm
That is so true. If you don’t do the job yourself, how dare you criticize those who do. I’m sorry you had to deal with someone so massively self-centered and immature.
Soul Sistah said,
November 19, 2007 at 11:02 am
@Sheila: Thanks!
@invisible woman: It’s unbelievable isn’t it? I’m just happy my step-daughter is moving forward with her life.
iventbyblogging said,
December 2, 2007 at 2:55 pm
How ungrateful! It’s so sad that people are so selfish that they’d attempt to destroy instead of encourage. You are definitely a phenomenal woman…God’s hand is definitely upon you. God bless you sis-IVBB
Soul Sistah said,
December 10, 2007 at 11:24 am
Thanks ivent! It’s hard out here for a step-mom….lol
Kevin said,
March 19, 2008 at 6:05 am
I’m experiencing a real mom doing the same thing,not a step mom. I’m taking care of 2 of her boys. One of them is not mine, but he don’t know that. They’re both great kids and I love them so much. They’re everything to me. She also has 2 more in north carolina that she has nothing to do with. Her name is [deleted personal information by admin] and she lives in La Canada or Hollywood.
aj said,
March 19, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Welcome Kevin,
I’m sorry to hear your experiencing this. I also know women that have chosen to abandon their children – it’s quite sad, especially for the kids. They are blessed to have you step in and be a caring father to them.
Some people are not meant to be parents. I just wish they’d realize it before they start procreating.
Sassy Kitty said,
May 5, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I don’t understand that if they don’t want the kid why do they go on to have more. Why are their moral values so high that they can’t have a abortion but yet their moral values don’t include raising your own child.
Darren Sharrocks said,
May 18, 2008 at 11:46 am
for one thing there is nothing wrong with children being brought up by their fathers, indeed this is the norm in most of the world. Without a father, the children become damage emotionally and it leads to severe discpline problems later on. Also it causes depresssion and other factors should as low confidence and the inabilty to relate to other people. women routinely abdduct their children from their fathers in the west and cry foul and make false accusations and stop the father from seeing the kids. Plus they ripp the guy off by taking all his salary off him so he cannot live, see the kids or start a new life. The courts and the law/society are on the side of the mother, so they do everything in their power to help her, screw the kids its the mother they want to help. If a father wants to get his kids back, the law says get stuffed. The asumption that a mother can alone look after kids is rubbish and flawed, yeah i bet you give me anedotal evidence but that just want it is rubbish. Women wth kids are selfish, all in it for the money and could not careless about the welfare of the children. They just want to alienate the kids from the father and keep the welfare checks for themselves and screw the the kids over. All of this is legalise theft.
So please do not say oh its a shame if Mothers let fathers look after the kids. Its about time too, women cannot do it on their own. Of course its a natuaral for a mother to see her kids, but in my view they are not fit to look after them on their own.
best wishes
Karen said,
June 22, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I was like your step daughter too…I hate to think of the fallout in my present relationships and how my mother’s unreliablae and erratic behavior made me the person I am today…But my stepmother was my greatest advocate and I will always be thankful for that…
Just stay consistently loving and when she’s 30, like me, she’ll realise that you were true and loving and hopefully will be open enough to return all that love she might not be so capable of now…
aj said,
June 22, 2008 at 8:34 pm
@Karen – I imagine it is quite difficult for a child to grow up under these circumstances. We are progressing nicely. Thanks for the kind words.
SasaK said,
July 5, 2008 at 9:20 am
How incredibly judgemental some people are. It sounds to me as if ‘Nancy’ wasn’t in a terribly good place. Of course, this doesn’t make it ‘okay’ for her to screw up her child — but life affects us all in different ways, and i think some of you self-righteous, holier-than-thou numbskulls could do with opening your minds a little more and trying a little forgiveness and understanding. I get the feeling that some of you are enjoying the bitching a little too much — could it be because it makes YOU feel validated, secure, possibly a tad smug? It’s a good feeling, isn’t it?
Just get on with bringing up the child, as you have chosen to, and stop moaning.
aj said,
July 5, 2008 at 9:40 am
SasaK – Unless you personally experience raising a child that has been scarred by their selfish, unreliable bio parent, I don’t think you can fully understand. As far as judging….whatever..I’m simply stating what I have witnessed over the last several years. This silly woman didn’t want to raise her own child but acted a fool while I raised her. Believe me it doesn’t make me “feel good” that Nancy was/is a self absorbed, greedy, unloving “parent”…it saddens me that my step-daughter is subjected to her never ending drama and neglect.
Bebe said,
November 6, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Hi,
Im in a very similair situation and Im worried for the 12 year old involved…hes very emotionally all over the place and I completely understand that but are there any studies on the long term effects of children, esp boys, abandoned by their mothers? shes still in his life and very emtionally and in past physically abusive…im doing my best to help but sometimes I feel so powerless, if anyone can offer any help Id so truly appreciate it
Thank you,
God Bless
xox
Jyfvtwke said,
December 13, 2008 at 11:51 am
Thanks!,
bbizbor said,
February 17, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Я смотрю вас здесь уже заспамили