December 23, 2007 at 1:32 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: Basics
Sorry for my lack of posting lately but my laptop died and had to be resurrected. I’ll start posting again after the holiday season.
In the meantime I’d like to wish you and your family a blessed and joyous Christmas and New Years! If you are in a blended family, this is a good time to establish some traditions for your family.
December 12, 2007 at 3:58 pm (Basics, Step Family, Step Parent)
Tags: Division, Support, United Front
I’ve found that one of the most important things parents can do in blended families is to always present a united front. If you show kids there are any cracks in your unity, they will exploit it and have you and your spouse at odds. You have to remember, kids do what they are allowed to do, only you can allow them to cause division.
My son knew this and played it well – lol. He would come to me with “concerns” about something my husband said to him and ask me what I thought – I’d direct him right back to his step-dad so they could work it out. I would often eavesdrop on the conversation – I still realized my husband was human and he was a step-parent so I trusted – but validated things (just keeping it real – lol) to ensure situations were handled fairly.
My son finally recognized that when he had issues with my husband, his best bet was to go directly to the source and stop trying to involve me. If I’d stepped in every time there was a disagreement it would have only created more drama.
December 10, 2007 at 11:40 am (Uncategorized)
Tags: , Evil Step Mothers, Remarriage
Yes, I said it, some step-mothers are evil and hate their step-children for no other reason than jealousy. While I’ve been trying to point out the positives of step parents, I must also keep it real – some of them are the scum of the earth. Let me tell you the story of my father’s wife.
My father had an affair and divorced my mother when I was around 5, he later married the woman he’d had the affair with – let’s call her Renae. Since that time I’d not spoken to my father or laid eyes upon him again until the age of 16 . When I reconnected with my father he flew me out to his city and upon picking me up after all the hugs, etc., he told me that his wife – Renae was having issues with me coming out to see him and that she was jealous of me. Well, I was 16 and angry as hell at my father, his wife and her daughter. My anger stemmed from the fact that my father abandoned me, yet provided and cared for this woman and her daughter – so who the hell was she to be jealous of me? I must be honest he did send $50 dollars a month in child support, but I digress. During my stay, I had major attitude as most 16 year olds and did not take kindly to Renae, although I was respectful – I avoided her. She once made an effort to wash my clothes and I respectfully told her that I could wash my own clothes, she then made the mistake of saying to me “I’m just trying to do things for you that your mother doesn’t do” – oh snap…no this heffa did not say ANYTHING to me about my mother and I did’nt appreciate the implication of her comment……….needless to say, we had a verbal altercation and she received a verbal beat down. – ghetto style (BTW-Renae is white).
Fast forward some 27 years later, I’d not spoken to my father since I was about 18 and decided to look him up on an impulse. I’ve spoken with him several times now and in one our conversations I asked about Renae & her daughter and told him that I held no ill feelings toward them…hell I’m a grown azz woman, what’s done is done. I even asked to speak to Renae with good intentions, to which the reply was after some muzzling of the phone “Honey, she doesn’t want to talk to you”. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this woman is 72 years old and still acting a fool. It get’s worse but I’ll have to finish this later.
December 3, 2007 at 7:27 pm (Basics, Small Things)
Tags: Biological Child, blended family, Quality Time
Looking back over my parenting, I recognize many things I could have better. One thing I could have improved upon was spending more one on one time with my son. I was sometimes so busy focusing on the relationship or lack there of with my step-daughter that I failed to spend as much quality time with my own son as I should have. I guess in my mind, I was thinking, my son and I already are tight…I need to focus on this other relationship. That was a big mistake. I suspect my actions only served to make my son feel that he was not as important to me as my new relationship. As a step-parent you must be many things to many people and you must also be an expert juggler.
Thankfully, my son and I are still tight (he’s 19) and we spend a significant amount of time together – just he and I and it’s like a little piece of heaven, until his cellphone rings and I’m forced to play the “This is My Time” card….lol.
