Well, I’m convinced that miracles still happen. Last week my father visited me after being absent for 30 years and we had a wonderful time filled with acknowledgments, forgiveness, laughter & affection. I have so much to say that I can’t seem to formulate my post right now….but here goes.
My brother and father arrived and we greeted one another with a big hug and kiss – all the apprehensiveness I’d built up evaporated the moment he extended his arms to hug me. I sensed a certain amount of nervousness in him as I settled him into his room and took him on a tour of our home. As we walked from room to room that nervousness dissipated as he spontaneously hugged and kissed me on the cheek again – I was a little shocked at first but it sure did feel good – lol. From that point on we were inseparable and he held my hand 80% of the time he was in my presence…..it was the sweetest thing.
During his visit we spent time golfing, chatting, taking pictures, and simply holding hands. You can see the joy we shared in the pictures taken. I’d wake up in the mornings and tap on his door – he’d tell me to come in, gesture me to sit on the side of the bed and then extend his arms to hug me. I’d sit there as he held my hand and rubbed my arm and expressed his joy at being here – I believe in my heart that he was truly happy to see me and embrace me once again. As the days progressed we’d steal a few moments here and there and he would tell me over and over how much he loved me and even acknowledged he’d done little to show it all these years.
While we have a long way to go to repair our family, I think my father took some important steps in doing the following:
- He took total responsibility for his bad choices regarding his family including his failure to contact us
- He was willing to come here and face all of us, children, grandchildren, in-laws, out-laws, extended family, etc. not knowing how he would be received
- He was very humble and gracious with every one of us – even those that displayed anger and resentment
- As we were dining – he expressed to us that this experience was a miracle and it was also the best week of his entire life
My father is an old man that has discovered in the 4th quarter of his life that my oldest brother and I still have love for him in spite of himself – just because he is our father – apparently love never dies. He has also expressed his love for us and a willingness to become part of our family although he has some serious obstacles to overcome (his wife does not want him to have ANYTHING to do with me – that’s another post). What comes next is totally up to him. Will he embrace this last chance to finally mend with his own children and be a part of our lives or throw it away?
In the end, God was working thru this family with a power I’d never witnessed before, it was beautiful experience I’ll not soon forget. There are so many other things that happened that I’ll share here and there….I just wanted to get something out for those of you that have been so supportive of me in this journey. Thanks again.
regina said,
March 19, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Love that things are working out so far for you and yours!
Blessings!
Morocco said,
March 28, 2008 at 11:46 am
Wow! I hope this happens for me–I have never met my father. I am glad that you were able to reunite. I would also like you to take a peek at my blog, theommydiaries.wordpress.com You are already on my blog roll.
Mister-M said,
April 1, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Good for you and your family. Here’s hoping that the contact and caring continue unabated.
And… your 30-years makes my few years of not having spoken to my father seem like a weekend!
Very happy story. Thanks for the smile!
StelStar said,
May 30, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Your story reminds me of my own; however, with a very different conclusion. You and your family are to be applauded and God is to be praised for the miracle He is working out in your lives.
Be encouraged; it seems that there is much joy and some challenges yet to come. But, it can be a wonderful journey to family closeness and loving inclusiveness. Remember, as long as there is life there is hope.
Many, many blessings to you and yours.
StelStar
Jacqueline said,
June 21, 2008 at 2:39 am
FORGIVENESS…it’s such a beautiful thing. It always brings tears to my eyes and softens my heart when it’s demonstrated in wonderful stories like yours. Thanks for sharing.
aj said,
June 22, 2008 at 8:41 pm
@Jacqueline – Thanks for stopping by. Things are going quite nicely. I’ll have to post an update soon.
rawdawgbuffalo said,
July 4, 2008 at 8:09 am
Nice spot u have here, hope u don’t mind the drive by, do chk me out one day
rawdawgbuffalo and if u like what u read, maybe u will come back, even Blog Roll Me
BlackWomenBlowTheTrumpet.blogspot.com said,
July 10, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Hello there!! {waves}
I am new at this blog and the title caught my eye!!
This is a touching story and an important lesson for all! Thank you for sharing it!
You are always welcome to come by my house (blog) and share your thoughts as often as you’d like! My door is always open for new friends!
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
rawdawgbuffalo said,
July 20, 2008 at 10:05 am
now that made me smile
bob said,
August 24, 2008 at 9:24 am
Reaching out here, confused and not sure of right approach to reconnect with my beautiful daughter. Have not seen her since she was a baby, around 3 years old,
I have remorsed daily and have never stopped loving her,
Bad brief marriage and horrible divorce, — I have many regrets in my life none vastly this huge, in giving up custody to my precious little girl, whom now is 19yrs old–
There seems now there is a good chance of a reconnection with my daughter- and really not sure how to proceed
1- letters thru her family– 2- professional advice
3- make the call to daughter
Really really want this to work and no there are pitfalls- haven’t even thought of yet– but all the wonderful things which can occur now and future– and all the time wasted, just wanted this to happen years nd years ago– in fact never wanted this in the first place-
Making no excuses for mine or any ones– taking full responsibility —
I have never stopped loving her and not a days gone by don’t think of her
Really need advice of the right approach– or seeking professional advice – or websites to go too
Thanks for reading and truly want to reconnect for a lifetime
howver know the odds after these many years and situation am in
aj said,
August 24, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Hi Bob -
I’ve not found many sites that discuss this issue – the closest thing I found have been sites discussing adopted children finding birth parents – but some of the advice on those sites I found helpful.
While I’m no expert, I’ll give you my feelings from the perspective of an abandoned daughter. I think you should reach out to your daughter (phone or mail) and let her know that you think about her often, express regret for your choices and then attempt to slowly develop a relationship. Keep your expectations reasonable – remember you are a stranger and just happen to share DNA with this person – she may not immediately accept you as “Dad”.
It was important for me to understand why my father made the choices he did and for him to acknowledge and take full responsibility for being absent in my life while raising and caring for someone else’s child – in his case he knew it would interfere with his marriage. Some of the questions I asked him were tough and uncomfortable for both of us – and the answers sometimes hurt – but in order for me to move forward in a relationship with him – I needed answers to those questions. Your daughter may not be as inquisitive as I am – she may just make observations on the narrative you present. Be prepared to explain why you are just now willing to act on your feelings regarding your daughter and how important this relationship is to you. Also, be prepared to work at it – she may initially reject your efforts which could be a test to see how sincere you are in wanting a relationship after all these years.
Good luck and try to speak from the heart. I hope this is helpful.
Emerald said,
October 16, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Hi
I just wanted to say thankyou so so so so so so much. This story was just what I needed to read.
My dad has just recently tried to get back in touch with me after 11 years of absence. I am finding it really really difficult because I don’t expect that he will stick around for long. I do know though that I need to give him a chance.
There is a lot of hope with this situation though. We are taking it really slow and he has agreed to all my terms. I really believe that God can bring reconciliation in the most difficult of circumstances and I really want to allow God to bring healing to both mine and my dad’s life and heart.
Just yesterday he emailed me and told me that he knew he had wronged me and was sorry for it. That was like having someone just cover my aching heart with a soothing balm. I had no idea how important that sorry was. I praise God for it. If thats all I get – it will be enough.
Many thanks
aj said,
October 16, 2008 at 6:29 pm
@Emerald
Thanks for commenting! I’ve not been keeping up with my blog regarding my father. So many good things have happened from our reunion. He came to visit me again just this last month for two weeks. We are having a ball getting to know one another.
For what its worth – I think you should give your father a chance – you never know what you may get. Keep your expectations low but your heart open. Even though I talk to my father on a daily basis and have for about 6 months now..I still find myself keeping my expectations low so I can protect my feelings…but so far, our relationship has been better than I could have ever imagined.
Peace & Blessings to you and your father.