March 19, 2008 at 2:47 pm (Absent Parents, Grown Kids)
Tags: abandoned children, estranged children, estranged parent, Reuniting
Well, I’m convinced that miracles still happen. Last week my father visited me after being absent for 30 years and we had a wonderful time filled with acknowledgments, forgiveness, laughter & affection. I have so much to say that I can’t seem to formulate my post right now….but here goes.
My brother and father arrived and we greeted one another with a big hug and kiss – all the apprehensiveness I’d built up evaporated the moment he extended his arms to hug me. I sensed a certain amount of nervousness in him as I settled him into his room and took him on a tour of our home. As we walked from room to room that nervousness dissipated as he spontaneously hugged and kissed me on the cheek again – I was a little shocked at first but it sure did feel good – lol. From that point on we were inseparable and he held my hand 80% of the time he was in my presence…..it was the sweetest thing.
During his visit we spent time golfing, chatting, taking pictures, and simply holding hands. You can see the joy we shared in the pictures taken. I’d wake up in the mornings and tap on his door – he’d tell me to come in, gesture me to sit on the side of the bed and then extend his arms to hug me. I’d sit there as he held my hand and rubbed my arm and expressed his joy at being here – I believe in my heart that he was truly happy to see me and embrace me once again. As the days progressed we’d steal a few moments here and there and he would tell me over and over how much he loved me and even acknowledged he’d done little to show it all these years.
While we have a long way to go to repair our family, I think my father took some important steps in doing the following:
- He took total responsibility for his bad choices regarding his family including his failure to contact us
- He was willing to come here and face all of us, children, grandchildren, in-laws, out-laws, extended family, etc. not knowing how he would be received
- He was very humble and gracious with every one of us – even those that displayed anger and resentment
- As we were dining – he expressed to us that this experience was a miracle and it was also the best week of his entire life
My father is an old man that has discovered in the 4th quarter of his life that my oldest brother and I still have love for him in spite of himself – just because he is our father – apparently love never dies. He has also expressed his love for us and a willingness to become part of our family although he has some serious obstacles to overcome (his wife does not want him to have ANYTHING to do with me – that’s another post). What comes next is totally up to him. Will he embrace this last chance to finally mend with his own children and be a part of our lives or throw it away?
In the end, God was working thru this family with a power I’d never witnessed before, it was beautiful experience I’ll not soon forget. There are so many other things that happened that I’ll share here and there….I just wanted to get something out for those of you that have been so supportive of me in this journey. Thanks again.
13 Comments
November 13, 2007 at 9:26 am (Absent Parents)
Tags: , Abandoned Daughters, Absent Mothers, Bio-Mothers, Jealousy
It seems more and more women are hitting the road and leaving their children to be raised by men. I know at least two women that have done this, most notably my step-daughter’s mother – we’ll call her “Nancy”. See Nancy was all about self, she decided she wanted to run off with another man and apparently her daughter didn’t fit into the picture so she simply left her – but as I mentioned before, she took her pet bird….LOL..crazy huh?
Over the years Nancy was in and out of her daughters life and frequently doing what she could to create chaos in my household and hatred in her daughters heart. It seems she had no desire to raise her own child, yet she made it difficult for me to raise her by constantly filling her young head with negativity about our family. Nancy even had negative things to say about my son to her daughter….yes she was/is a piece of work. In the end Nancy only accomplished one thing – she robbed her young daughter of having a positive relationships with a younger brother who adored her and a step-mother who longed for a daughter.
This so called mother robbed her daughter of something she can never recover, a happy childhood. My step-daughter seemed to be a miserable soul – always sad, unresponsive to affection, feeling guilty if she had “fun” or “liked” me or my son, etc. And for what? To please a bio-mom that clearly did not have her best interest at heart, had no desire to raise her and didn’t think enough of her to attend her high-school graduation.
Throughout her daughters childhood and teenage years Nancy remained the same selfish, manipulative person she was when she initially left her child and took her pet bird……I guess she and the bird had something in common – the size of their brain.
If you as a woman choose to abandon your children – fine, but don’t stand back and throw stones when someone else attempts to raise them – it’s not fair to your child. Go and deal with your guilt in some other way and allow your children the opportunity & freedom to give and receive love from the folks that choose to step in and do the job that you refused.
18 Comments
November 6, 2007 at 12:14 pm (Absent Parents, Step Family)
Tags: Abandoned Boys, Absent Father, Biological Fathers, Ex Husband, Manhood, Step Fathers
I know I’m not alone when I say I’m simply amazed at how sorry some men can be when it comes to being responsible for their children. My sperm donor (ex-husband) lives in the same town with his child and doesn’t bother to call or contact his son. Mind you this child has had some serious issues in his life and is in desperate need of a loving male image and his father knows this – yet does nothing to address his sons needs.
Where are the real fathers – the ones who teach their children morals and values, who demand their sons work along side them to learn a skill, trade or simply how to fix small things around the house. Where are the men that taught their sons to not only respect but protect all of the females within the household and family? Where are the men that did not tolerate their sons involvement with drugs, guns and violence, but taught, peace, humility and hard work?
So many of our young males have been abandoned by their fathers that we have a generation of boys that don’t know what it is to be a real man. After all a woman cannot teach a boy to be a man – not that she can’t be a good mother, but boys need strong males in their lives to guide them into manhood.
Luckily my son is not involved in drugs, gangs or violence and he has a good work ethic, but the person that taught my son these things was not his biological father – it was his step-father who is in essence – his REAL father.
Unfortunately my child has yet to realize how blessed he is to have a step-father that spent time with him and guided him along the way. Did he make mistakes and go off track sometimes – yes, did I – yes. But the question is did he do right by my son 85% of time – yes, which is what counts in the end. We all have faults and no parent is perfect – even biological parents.
Sometime our children are desperately seeking what they already have – a parent that loves them.
5 Comments
