Reuniting With Father

Well, I’m convinced that miracles still happen. Last week my father visited me after being absent for 30 years and we had a wonderful time filled with acknowledgments, forgiveness, laughter & affection. I have so much to say that I can’t seem to formulate my post right now….but here goes.

My brother and father arrived and we greeted one another with a big hug and kiss – all the apprehensiveness I’d built up evaporated the moment he extended his arms to hug me. I sensed a certain amount of nervousness in him as I settled him into his room and took him on a tour of our home. As we walked from room to room that nervousness dissipated as he spontaneously hugged and kissed me on the cheek again – I was a little shocked at first but it sure did feel good – lol. From that point on we were inseparable and he held my hand 80% of the time he was in my presence…..it was the sweetest thing.

During his visit we spent time golfing, chatting, taking pictures, and simply holding hands. You can see the joy we shared in the pictures taken. I’d wake up in the mornings and tap on his door – he’d tell me to come in, gesture me to sit on the side of the bed and then extend his arms to hug me. I’d sit there as he held my hand and rubbed my arm and expressed his joy at being here – I believe in my heart that he was truly happy to see me and embrace me once again. As the days progressed we’d steal a few moments here and there and he would tell me over and over how much he loved me and even acknowledged he’d done little to show it all these years.

While we have a long way to go to repair our family, I think my father took some important steps in doing the following:

  • He took total responsibility for his bad choices regarding his family including his failure to contact us
  • He was willing to come here and face all of us, children, grandchildren, in-laws, out-laws, extended family, etc. not knowing how he would be received
  • He was very humble and gracious with every one of us – even those that displayed anger and resentment
  • As we were dining – he expressed to us that this experience was a miracle and it was also the best week of his entire life

My father is an old man that has discovered in the 4th quarter of his life that my oldest brother and I still have love for him in spite of himself – just because he is our father – apparently love never dies. He has also expressed his love for us and a willingness to become part of our family although he has some serious obstacles to overcome (his wife does not want him to have ANYTHING to do with me – that’s another post). What comes next is totally up to him. Will he embrace this last chance to finally mend with his own children and be a part of our lives or throw it away?

In the end, God was working thru this family with a power I’d never witnessed before, it was beautiful experience I’ll not soon forget. There are so many other things that happened that I’ll share here and there….I just wanted to get something out for those of you that have been so supportive of me in this journey. Thanks again.

Step Children Do Learn to Appreciate You

My husband I celebrated our anniversary this weekend and went out of town to spend some alone time. To our surprise there was a bottle of wine and a floral arrangement sitting on the table in our hotel room.

When I read the card I realized it was from my step-daughter. It made me so proud that we’d raised her to be the thoughtful & generous young woman that she is.   This gesture also confirms a certain appreciation she has for me. I mean, really how many STEP-CHILDREN would really celebrate the anniversary of their biological and step-parents marriage?

Just further verification that sometimes what you give comes back.

A Rant: Raising Dependent Children

I’m so thankful my mother raised me to be independent. Some of the offspring I see these days couldn’t fight their way out of a wet paper sack. I mean they need momma to pay bills, wash clothes, clean apts.,….etc., and I’m not talking about the ones still at home….I’m talking about grown kids in their 20’s. I mean what will happen to them once Mom & Dad are gone? They will be lost.

Matter of fact, I know folk in their 30’s & 40’s still depending on Momma and Daddy, and I’m not speaking of those that have fell on hard times, I’m speaking of grown folk that will NOT grow the hell up and handle their business, still in their parents pockets. It’s really sickening when folk USE they’re own parents this way.

You say what does this have to do with blended families….well it’s not specific to blended families, I think it’s something that all families, including blended ones must consider.

Are we doing all we can to ensure our children can stand on their own once we check out of here?

He Hates My Son

I recently had an acquaintance of mine share with me some problems she was having in her family. She has a son from a previous marriage and she has since remarried. Her son we’ll call Jonathan as she has stated is irresponsible, selfish and lazy. He refuses to work and is failing school that mind you she and her husband are financing. My friend feels strongly that her husband HATES her son.

I think her husband is sick of her son being sorry and expects him to step up and take some responsibility for himself and stop wasting their hard earned dollars. Jonathan is 21 years old and should be either working or going to school full time and bringing home passing grades. We as mothers (myself included) need to stop coddling these boys (and girls) and force them to grow the hell up!

Now I will say the husband needs to be concerned and fair in his dealing with Jonathan but bottom line is Jonathan is a grown man and needs to start acting as such.