December 3, 2007 at 7:27 pm (Basics, Small Things)
Tags: Biological Child, blended family, Quality Time
Looking back over my parenting, I recognize many things I could have better. One thing I could have improved upon was spending more one on one time with my son. I was sometimes so busy focusing on the relationship or lack there of with my step-daughter that I failed to spend as much quality time with my own son as I should have. I guess in my mind, I was thinking, my son and I already are tight…I need to focus on this other relationship. That was a big mistake. I suspect my actions only served to make my son feel that he was not as important to me as my new relationship. As a step-parent you must be many things to many people and you must also be an expert juggler.
Thankfully, my son and I are still tight (he’s 19) and we spend a significant amount of time together – just he and I and it’s like a little piece of heaven, until his cellphone rings and I’m forced to play the “This is My Time” card….lol.
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November 28, 2007 at 4:49 pm (Basics, Small Things, Step Mother, Step mom)
Tags: Appreciation, Step Child, Step-Mothers, Working Together
I’ve been on all sides of the blended family scene, the step-parent, the step-child, the biological parent, etc. you name it, I’ve been it. I’ve been blessed by it in a way as I can help others to see the different sides of the table and appreciate for myself the difficulties each side represents.
When my son went to live temporarily with his bio-dad and step-mom, I was quite apprehensive and concerned that this woman would mistreat my son. I made it my busineess to be cordial to her and express appreciation for the little things she did for my son – even while he showed her his behind. I also called her on the things I thought were out-of-order. I’m saying this to say, give credit where it is due and when you need to put the step-parent in check, you will not be viewed as the angry bio-parent. Remember, it is in your child’s best interest to work WITH the other set of parents, not against them.
I even sent her a heartfelt Mother’s Day card, because after all, she was taking care of my baby in all of his angry teenage rebellion – I knew it was not an easy situation for her to deal with – I knew my son……
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November 7, 2007 at 10:29 am (Small Things)
Tags: , blended family, Inclusion, inclusiveness, Last Name, Outsider, Step Child
After I married my current husband all of us had his last name we’ll call Williams with the exception of my son from a previous marriage. Not realizing how “left-out” my son felt, we went along for years using “Williams” when identifying ourselves as a family at church, restaurants, etc.. Eventually my son expressed to me how this made him feel as if he was not a PART-OF our family.
Well the remedy to this small problem for my son was easy, I started signing everything (that was appropriate) with a hyphenated name, “Williams-MySonsLastName” – problem solved.
It’s funny how very small things can make another person feel.
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November 3, 2007 at 4:24 am (Small Things)
Tags: acknowledge, Acknowledgement, Expression, feelings, Greeting Cards . Personal, Teach children to express
One thing I’ve done with my children (now teens and adults) to help them express themselves was to encourage them to write personal greeting cards. This forced them to do some thinking and express positive feelings they had for other family members…..yeah I know they may not always be completely honest but surely you can find at least one positive thing to say about someone. This little exercise is also helpful to the recipient as something positive about them is acknowledged.
Anyway…this was just a small thing that I thought was worthwhile.
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November 2, 2007 at 5:22 pm (Small Things)
Tags: Acknowledgement, Appreciation, feelings
Over the years I’ve noticed that when birthdays and Mother’s day comes around and I receive gifts and handwritten cards from my (now grown) step-daughter these things mean so much to me, I often tear up. Not that I don’t appreciate the acknowledgements I receive from my blood born children, but when your step children sincerely thank you and acknowledge all of your efforts it just warms the heart.
All this to say, when you stick it out and love unconditionally – SOMETIMES it comes back and when it does – it’s like a little bit of heaven on earth.
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