December 27, 2008 at 11:30 pm (Basics, Step Family, Step Mother, blended family)
Tags: beating the odds, blended familiy, step familiy, thankful
Looks like I’d abandoned this blog but I’ve been getting comments lately so maybe I’m actually helping a few folks out there. It seems blended families and the issues involved are some things that are not really discussed in society. It’s as if society expects blended families to function like nuclear families and they simply do NOT.
Over the holidays all of our children (his, hers & ours) were together. We had a wonderful time hanging out, watching movies, visiting other relatives, etc. It’s a precious time when your entire family can come together and everyone is happy and healthy. I’m thankful for all three of my precious children and my husband. We have beat the odds – we’re still going strong after 18 years. I attribute our success to our faith, always TRYING to present a united front and talking openly about issues as they arise. It was not an easy tasks beleive me – but it can be done.
1 Comment
November 28, 2007 at 4:49 pm (Basics, Small Things, Step Mother, Step mom)
Tags: Appreciation, Step Child, Step-Mothers, Working Together
I’ve been on all sides of the blended family scene, the step-parent, the step-child, the biological parent, etc. you name it, I’ve been it. I’ve been blessed by it in a way as I can help others to see the different sides of the table and appreciate for myself the difficulties each side represents.
When my son went to live temporarily with his bio-dad and step-mom, I was quite apprehensive and concerned that this woman would mistreat my son. I made it my busineess to be cordial to her and express appreciation for the little things she did for my son – even while he showed her his behind. I also called her on the things I thought were out-of-order. I’m saying this to say, give credit where it is due and when you need to put the step-parent in check, you will not be viewed as the angry bio-parent. Remember, it is in your child’s best interest to work WITH the other set of parents, not against them.
I even sent her a heartfelt Mother’s Day card, because after all, she was taking care of my baby in all of his angry teenage rebellion – I knew it was not an easy situation for her to deal with – I knew my son……
5 Comments
November 8, 2007 at 7:43 pm (Basics, Step Family, Step Mother)
Tags: , acceptance, attitudes, loyalty, rejection, trust
Life as a step-child is not easy. I was someones step-child and quite honestly, I didn’t care for my step-father although he did provide for me and was civil towards me. I cannot recall one single time when he was unkind. I just didn’t like him because he was a “Step-father”….it was that simple.
While raising my step-daughter I remember times when I would try desperately to take our relationship beyond the superficial and become close to her. Our relationship would progress along nicely then all of a sudden, she would pull back. It was almost like she caught herself or was somehow reminded that I was her step-mother…you know the evil one and she was not supposed to like me. I’d express to her that she did not have to choose between myself and her mother that she had the capacity to love both of us, but I suspect she wasn’t getting the same message from the other side.
I soon grew tired of the roller coaster and detached myself from her emotionally until the next time. What does detachment look like, it simply means I became a spectator in her life and her father was forced to do it all during those seasons. Was I right – probably not, but a person (even grown folk) can only take so much rejection while trying to love and care for another human being.
I am happy to report that my (now grown) step-daughter has since put down her shield some. We’re close in a odd kind of way and while I’m not completely happy with our relationship, I’m satisfied with where we are. We have a sort of aunt/niece relationship and I think it strikes just the right balance for us.
6 Comments
November 5, 2007 at 9:01 pm (Basics, Step Mother, Step Parent, Step mom)
Tags: , Appropriate, Biological Mother, Jealousy, Step Child, Step Mother, Step Relatinships
Well he/she may call you alot of things…I was referring to what they call you in your face..lol. My step daughter began calling me Mom immediately after we got married of her own free will. I think she was longing for a female role model and I was it because her bio-Mom had pretty much abandoned her when she was very young (4) – when bio-Mom left her husband she took her pet bird and left her child – can you say “selfish”. Anyway I was fine with it but once, the bio Mom heard her refer to me as Mom, she dayum near jerked the childs arm off and yell’d at her “She is not your mother”? Well I beg to differ. You see I was the one combing her hair, purchasing her clothes with MY OWN money, helping to ensure she did her homework, explaining menstral cycles, boys, etc. Where was her bio-mother – oh she was off living the high life, traveling the world, making CD’s, etc. while I raised her daughter who has BTW grown into a beautiful young woman.
These folk kill me saying who is a mother and who is not. Just because you give birth to a child does not make you a mother in the true sense of the word. Even the children know that.
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